Important information from my Agenda
Colonel By, 1999-2000

These facts were gathered and entered into the agenda through the insuppressable genius of Lindsay.
She did have a slight obsessive fascination with Blink 182, and a horse named Wookie, but aside from that, the information is relatively accurate.
There are quotes at the end too.

Personal Information

Name: The Prime Sminister Blink gal
Address:  10082 Eat me road
City:  I am we todded
Province: Ontario rox usa sux
Postal Code: K1J ASS
Telephone: Unknown, see back... eva ass
Student no.: 182 (blink gal)
Homeroom:  Scary teacher/Jason

In case of emergency, please notify:

Name: Lindsay loves Wookie
Telephone (Off.): Coyote Rock Gym
Telephone (home): RCMP Stables
Name: Eva ass moe dead zone
Telephone: unknown


Date         Event
Jan 5            World goes away
Jan 6            World comes back
Jan 7            Val doesn't explode
Jan 8            Canada takes over USA
Jan 9            Blink 182 festival
Jan 10          Go to
Jan 11          World goes away
Jan 12          World comes back
Jan 13          Val explodes


Name           Subject              Room No.
eva-ass              ass wiping                200
ava-ass              ass improving           125
eva ass               ass kicking                ---
eva ass               banana eating           321
eva ass               eva assing                5

Note:  Eva ass failed all her courses cuz she didn't suck up enough to the great-ass!

Finally, a story about Eva-ass:

Eva ass went walking & who did she see?  Lacasse-ass!
No, wait... that's not it... She saw scary teacher Jason walking.   Scary T was so impressed by Eva's eva assing that he didn't watch where he was going & fell into the river.  Eva, being so uncaring, left scary teacher in the river & went off to find Joanna-ass.  But Joanna ass was nowhere to be seen and Eva-ass had to pee so she went behind the tree.  And as she was about to do her business she realized that it wasn't really a tree, it was Joanna-ass!  Joanna-ass had been talking to scary teacher who was mad at eva-ass for assing off while he was drowning and now she was mad at eva-ass too and she grabbed her and stuffed her into the trunk of the ass tree where she remained immobilized and assing for the rest of eternity.

"Yes i'm eager & you're getting 2 thumbs up, You had alot of 2 hand touch, you want it rough you're out of bounds, I want you covered want you smothered like my waffle house hash browns, coming quicker than fed-ex, never reach an apex, you make me rise an hour early just like daylight savings time"
-The Bad Touch

Hello, I'm not who you think I am.

Stop being so degay.

Valerie watch out for the Boogey Man!  It's Michael Jackson!  Agh.  Wookie is lame.  Murry is so cute.  Uh oh... here comes piece-of-poo from pokezpond.

Val loves unknown

x-files conspiracy...

"Unpredictable...                it was my              mistake                    to stay                here"

-Be impolite.  Do become abusive in your messages to others.
-Do swear, or use vulgarities.
-It is acceptable to ask for or give advice on how to commit an illegal act.

With access to the availability of inappropriate context of the school, The Ottawa-Carleton Regional Board of Education has taken staff and students.  Although student use will ne monitored, it is impossible to control a user.  The Ottawa-Carleton District Board of Education firmly outweighs users.
The board makes no service it is providing.   The board will be responsible for any damages suffered, including delays, or service interruptions.

Finally, since you are no doubt wondering what happened to me after I exploded....

'Ode to the exploded'
o n ce     y o u      h a v e     e x p l o -
d e d ,    m a y      a l l     o f      y o u r
m a n y      m o l e c u l e s      r e -
u n i t e     a n d      y o u      b e c o m e
o n e ,     w h o l e       b e i n g .
M a y     y o u     l i v e ,    a n d     n o
l o n g e r     e x p l o d e .


note:  these aren't all of the quotes.  The master list was lost, this is only the few that I was able to recover from the agenda.  If i can get another copy of the master list, We shall all cheer, for they are the best.

1 - "It wants to.  T-W-O.  It wants to."    -Linsday

2 - "Valerie likes to get it"      -Lindsay

3 - "Get your sick mind away from my desk"    -Lindsay

4 - "Suppose you have a contest in your class to see who is the stupidest of the stupids.  Valerie would win.  No, that isn't right..."    -Lindsay

5 - "I have something to show you..."    -Lindsay

6 - "Sometimes I like to stare at peas boiling."     -Mr. Moors

7 - "I am the man."   -Lindsay

8 - "I want you to try a couple of questions to see how badly you can do on them."    -Mr. Moors

9 - "Get that air away from me!"     -Lindsay

10 - "Wookie is fat"   -Unknown

11 - "I'm just trying to think here, it's not working.  My mind is just gone."   -Fedor

12 - "I just got hit by a vibrating molecule!"    -Mr. Moors

13 - "It's fun to play with gravity!"    -Lindsay

14 - "She wants to....She wants to!!"     -Lindsay

15 - "I'm a retarded gay freak"     -Lindsay

16 - "No! No! Just put it away!"     -Lana

17 - "You sound like a broken snowman."     -Lindz

18 - "Your head is too big to squish"    -Lindz

19 - "No, my hair is sane again."    -Me

20 - "Just one rule: you must have snowball fights at every opportunity"    -Mr. Moors

21 - "I want to get laid!"     -Eva

22 - "You're making me think of gay pumpkins..."    -Lindsay

23 - "You're copying yourself"     -Lindsay

24 - "I like lindsay's poo!"    -Laura

25 - "Keep pushing."    -Lindsay

26 - "Maybe he's tired of being a little ball of fat"     -David Clark

27 - Unfortunately, It seems that whatever was written as quote # 27 offended someone, because great effort was made to erase all evidence of its existence.  After careful scientific tests, we were able to determine that the quote said
"I am so fucking ??????" (?????? is the missing word that was unable to be recovered), and it was also made clear that Lindsay was the one who said it.

28 - "I want to get paid"

29 - "If you all want it, we'll have to raffle it off!"     -Banana

30 - "Look!  Lana's guys are coming!"    -Lindsay

31 - "What if the teacher decided he wanted to marry me?"    -Lindsay

32 - "It's rising."    -Lindsay

33 - "Mr. Moors on my head"    -Kirsten

34 - "Val thinks he's hot, I say he's GOOD!"    -Lana

35 - "I need my fucking special needs!"    -Stranger in the hall

36 - "Is it a weekday?"    -Me

37 - "No, it's friday."         -Lindsay

38 - "Do it again!"    -Lana

39 - "Don't worry Lana, you'll be getting some in the near future"    -Me

40 - "I'm the queen or the wankers"    -Lindsay

41 - "I want to get laid"    -Kirsten/Banana

42 - "You can do it alone."    -Lana

43 - "Skepti-slurp...whoa..."   -Lindsay

44 - "Can you imagine his butt on her head?"    -Eva

45 - "You really like ass, don't you?"    -Me

46 - "It's not like I'd send you to a gay chat line..."    -Mrs. Watson

47 - "I'm with her."    -Me

48 - "He's a prostitute"   -Lindsay

49 - "What?  It's coming down?"    -Me

50 - "I really want to get laid."    -Eva

51 - "Kirsten's a banana, and somebody ate her."    -Laura

52 - "Come again."   -Laura

53 - "I don't want the butt divider!"    -Lindz

54 - "The slut mobile."   -Mrs. Watson

55 - "I just had to shove my face into it!"    -Kirsten

56 - "You don't need to hover over my lap to do it!"   -Me

57 - "I am an idiot!"   -Mr. Moors

58 - "I'm not as nice as Lana, I only do it once."    -Me

59 - "I'm trying to feel it."    -Steph

60 - "If you can't accept the fact that they're soooo good, ten don't wreck my desk."   -Lindsay

61 - "Feel it, come on, feel it, you know you want to!"    -Lindsay

62 - "It's whacking you fast!"    -Lindsay

63 - "There's a guy on my street, and he lives in a house..."   -Lana

64 - "I was just wondering if I could get into Anne's pants."    -Lindsay

65 - "We could shoot and kill people with paintballs....that would be fun."   -Mr. Moors

66 - "I need to get laid!"    -Eva

67 - "Stop putting it between my legs!"    -Laura

68 - "Val!  Wait for me!  I'm going to eat you!"    -Steph

69 - "Oh my God!  It's BIG!!"    -Me

70 - "And by doing this, he could probably even add a few inches to his normal size..."   -Weird man

71 - "just wait until Kirsten asks about the context of THAT one!"    -me

72 - "Kirsten hates her head."    -Lindsay

73 - "I've seen like, over 120 porn videos!"     -Weird lady

74 - "If it's big & thick, it's awful."    -Lana

75 - "I'm a fruit"    -Laura

76 - "Stop feeling it man!"    -Lindsay

77 - "Kirsten is LEO!"     -Lindsay

78 - "Kappa, he's sooooo big!  Kappa, he's huge, he's enormous and he's black too!"   -Lindsay

79 - "Do I have a thingy?  Ohh....that really sucks!"    -Lindsay

80 - "Val...I'm going to have to cut off your legs."    -Kirsten

81 - "I'm not getting enough"    -Me

82 - "Look!  A man!"    -Lindsay

83 - "I also have a very large stool."    -Unknown

84 - "I wonder when Lana's going to come."    -Lindsay

85 - "I am naked, and your boy is turning me on!"    -Eva

86 - "Go away.  I do not want to be naked with you."    -Me to weird lady

87 - "That's cruelty to are turning it's pages!"    -Lindsay

Bad Touch (Bloodhound Gang) lyrics:
Just cause its good to know.

"Ha ha, well now! We call this the act of mating. But there are several
other very important differences between human beings and animals that you
should know about.

...I'd appreciate your input....

Sweat, baby, sweat, baby sex is a Texas drought me
and you do the kind of stuff that only Prince would sing about
So put your hands down my pants and I'll bet you'll feel nuts
Yes, I'm Siskel, yes I'm Ebert and you're getting two thumbs up
You've had enough of two-hand touch, you want it rough, you're out of bounds
I want to you smothered, want you covered, like my Waffle House hash browns
Coming quicker than Fed Ex, never reach an apex like Coca-Cola stock you are
inclined to make me rise an hour early just like Daylight Savings Time

do it now
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
do it again now
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
gettin' horny now

Love, the kind you clean up with a mop and bucket
Like the lost catacombs of Egypt, only God knows where we stuck it
Hieroglyphics? Let me be Pacific, I wanna be down in your South Seas
But I got this notion that the motion of your ocean, meets small craft
advisories.  So if I capsize in your thighs, high tide, B-5, you sunk my battle ship
Please turn me on, I'm Mr. Coffee with an automatic drip
So show me yours I'll show you mine "Tool Time", you'll Lovett just like
And then we'll do it doggie style so we can both watch X-Files

do it now
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
do it again now
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
gettin' horny now

You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
do it again now
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
do it now
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
do it again now
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
gettin' horny now."

If you have any questions or (positive) comments about any of the preceding information, or if you just want to tell me how great I am or how much you love me, email me at, or any of my other 10 email addresses if you know what they are.

If you have a complaint, you are out of luck.  Unfortunately I am not able to accept or process complaints or negative feedback at this time.  If you absolutely need complain, see a therapist.  My site rules.